I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
