nutella sex= disaster
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
