she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
