Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
