so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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