There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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