Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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