I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
