Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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