ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
