I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
