There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
