Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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