...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
