Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
