Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
