I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
