I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
