Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He has the fingertips of a God
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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