dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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