u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
