you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
