Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
