I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
