We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
