I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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