I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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