so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
