I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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