I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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