my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
