So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
