it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
