I have demons in me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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