i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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