we have pet lesbian snakes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
