Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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