Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
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