get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
