I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
