There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
