Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
