When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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