You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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