It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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