My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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