You're a womanizer and a bitch.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
