successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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