margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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