that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The power of my boobs compel you
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
