My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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