even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
