Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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