I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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