new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
