Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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