I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
