can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
