If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
