fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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