i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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