Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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