I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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