i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This is the high leading the old right now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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