Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
