If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
