1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
40s are totally the cure
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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