You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
