tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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